West Side Market and Christmas Eve

One thing I miss from Ohio is being close to Cleveland. Sure, I live in a "city" now, and I was 45 minutes from Cleveland, and Cleveland is kind of a dying industrial dump of a city, but I love it. One of my favorite things to do in Cleveland is to go to the West Side Market. The Market used to be a real, important market with ethnic foods and incredibly fresh meats and produce. It continues to have all those things, but is becoming a little less vital to the community and more of just an interesting place to be. There are still many of the old vendors, family businesses that have been there for ages. Those are the places where you're most likely to find odd, eastern European sausages or cuts of meat you won't find at a grocer...say a whole half a pig, perhaps. But now there are also new, "chic" vendors, who will make you crepes as you watch or sell you "urban herbs" or pre-made food to nibble on while you shop. It would be sad to see the Market lose it's traditional vendors and purpose, but I'm glad to see the space have continued relevance while the rest of Cleveland kind of flounders.
















Christmas Eve day my dad decided he wanted to go to an organ concert at a church by the Market, so we looked up the hours and determined we had to go shopping if we were in the area. I have never had a trip to the Market that wasn't amazing. We were short on time before the concert, so we started with snacks - I had a new take on a traditional Scottish meat pie - it was a breakfast pie, with egg, sausage, cheese, and potatoes instead of the normal meat and potatoes. After the concert we went back for more deliberate shopping. I bought a whole pound of Manchego, because the price was $6 per pound less than it is at the grocery store, and because the vendor let me taste it and it was superb. I got an apple fritter, which is something I always do there, and picked up some Mediterranean sea salt and some pot stickers at some newer vendors. My parents caved and bought us chicken satee and asiago pretzel rolls to snack on, and a huge bunch of asparagus for later. My dad got goose liver and a rice ring, both of which are disgusting, and my sister found Kinder chocolate at the imports store. Overall, it was pretty awesome, and I recommend it to anyone who happens to be in Cleveland.

After all that fun, we went home for the annual "trying a completely new and possibly complicated appetizer recipe for the Christmas Ever party" extravaganza. This year I made cheese puffs with Italian salami, and my sister and dad made some strange sausage rolls. Although we really tried to choose the easiest recipes in the book, our efforts took us forever. For some reason my cheese puffs came out tasting like a breakfast food - too much egg involved to make them "puff." They seemed to go over well with the family though.

I think we've decided to add the Market to our Christmas traditions. This year we had a great Christmas Eve.

Fail

In the last two weeks I have probably accumulated a heck of a lot possible blog post topics, some more personal than others, but really, I've just been tired and didn't feel like writing. I'm going to get my act together soon and I'll be back!

Cookies!!!!!

An explosion of Christmas cookies!!

I love Christmas cookies. I love making them, and then I love eating them, continuously, which is probably a habit I should lay off of for the sake of my waistline. But man, Christmas cookies are the best. My family has several types of cookies that are, for some reason, only "Christmas" cookies, but everyone knows the most Christmas-y of them all: cut-out sugar cookies, frosted and in my house, painted (with food coloring and egg yolks - they look a little like stained glass). I don't even like to eat them that much, but I love to make them.

So last week, I made them. And made them and made them. I made them on Wednesday when my (awesome) friend couldn't come help; I made them on Thursday with my boyfriend so he could use too many sprinkles; I made them on Friday when I decided I wanted to give them to people and didn't have enough.

And on Saturday I got the stomach flu. And I have a ton of cookies. And there is absolutely no connection - I clearly didn't get the flu from the cookies, and if they're infected so is everything else in my house, but. Oh but. I can't stand the sight of the things. My stomach still isn't happy with the idea of food, but the idea of sugary cookies, frosted with homemade frosting let me say, makes me cringe. My body oddly connects the cookies from Friday night with the misery from Saturday morning, and will not let me eat them. I also seem to have fewer people to give them to than I had thought. And so a plate of cookies is going to work with me, another bag is going to the boyfriend, and two bags are going in the freezer for my catsitter to take advantage of when she's here...her and hopefully everyone she knows, because I don't want them to be there when I get back.

Christmas cookies, anyone?

Big freaking post on growing up a fundie

I have to say that growing up religiously conservative can really screw a person up. I'm speaking from a certain amount of personal experience. Now, before I continue, a clarification. I am not saying that being religiously conservative is inherently bad, or that everyone who was/is religiously conservative is screwed up. I'm speaking based mostly on my personal experience and discussions I have had with friends with similar backgrounds and experiences as mine. For background, I spent most of my childhood and teen years in a moderately conservative, medium-large nondenominational evangelical box church. It definitely wasn't one of those "crazy" churches you see in things like Jesus Camp, and I was never pals with Jerry Falwell. Then again, I spent a kind of long time not believing in evolution, so it was crazy enough. When I went to college I left that church, had a minor crisis of faith, looked around a little, and ended up in the United Church of Christ, which has problems like any Church, but which I think is overall a very good place to be. My personal beliefs teeter on the edge of Unitarian Universalist, but I'm happy in the UCC.

So, the problem? For all my current "liberal" theology, my conservative past sometimes messes with my head. One thing I know other former evangelicals/conservatives/fundamentalists also deal with is Born Again Guilt. I was born again twice, once when I was six, and "renewed" that at least twice. I kept doing it because I never really felt like it took - I was supposed to experience some sweeping, emotional moment of grace, forgiveness, and personal transformation, and I never did. Hence, I spent a lot of my time a little worried that I wasn't really saved, and was thus going to hell. That's a lot of pressure for a kid, which I was. One problem with being born again - it can supposedly happen at any age. I now firmly believe that 1. children should never be forced into having a "spiritual" experience because the adults present are emotional about religion, and 2. salvation is different for everyone, and takes time. It was only recently that I discovered that I can take time working out grace with God, and that it won't necessarily be a mind-blowing experience. And, I have felt closer to God since I realized that. It's an ongoing thing, not a one-time thing.

Another issue that I don't struggle with as much as I once did is the cultural change involved in leaving a conservative church. For a long time, I listened to Christian music nearly exclusively. I was afraid to curse, and to drink. I was pretty damn judging, and quite possibly intolerable to be around. Although I still consider myself a fairly moral person and am far nicer than I used to be, I spent a while feeling a lot of guilt when I did "bad" things. The me of six years ago would have a heart attack on seeing the me of now - I get drunk sometimes! And swear! And do other bad things! On another note, being around large groups of conservative Christians (Campus Crusade events, say) wigs me out. I used to be there, and now am not, and wonder if I have a neon sign that says "heathen!" I still know the language they use though, which helps to communicate ;)

The last big thing to mention in this epic post is Sex Guilt, and oh man, is this a big one. My thoughts on how poorly Christians deal with human sexuality could take up a book, so this is the condensed version. It is really hard to teach that all sexual acts, ever, should only occur within the confines of a marriage without also conveying the idea that sex is somehow taboo. I think it might be possible, but it has got to be difficult. Generally, young people in the church come away thinking that their natural sexual feelings are sinful. There is a distinct difference between selfish lust and natural feelings all humans experience, especially in adolescence. Even for the people who wait till marriage, when sex is officially condoned, must have a hard time turning off that feeling that all things sexual should be avoided. For those of us who have changed their minds slightly about sex and marriage, it can still be hard - these teachings are well-impressed upon young conservative Christians, and the feelings of guilt linger.

I don't know how other (less conservative) Christians feel about it, but I would prefer not to have my relationship with someone I love complicated by guilt and apprehension. I think, overall, the guilt, not just sexual but overall, that the conservative church leaves its followers with can really mess up lives. The textbook response to that could be that God is weighing upon us...but it could just be that we're still working on leaving behind a potentially damaging mindset.

Nesting?

I was putzing around on ffffound.com this morning and saw a lovely, amazing picture (which is not unusual there). I followed the link to this where I decided I share the author's feelings about conversation pits, although I had previously had no idea what a conversation pit was. I can't seem to get the picture to work for me, so you are just going to have to go to the link and look at it. The picture that appealed to me most was the bottom one, with the elevated "pit."

Seriously, if I had one of those things, I would live in it. I would need some wireless internet and a power source, but I would be set. I would spend all day sitting in my super comfy hi-rise pillow room, with convenient storage drawers underneath. Friends would come over for dinner and we would spread out a tablecloth and have indoor picnics in it. The rest of the time my I would pretend to be a cat, curled up in the pillows with my real cat. My boyfriend would come over and I would lean off the edge of my elevated day-bed-thing, and call out "come, have a roll in the cushions with me in my awesome new piece of all-purpose furniture. It would take up my whole apartment. How can I get one of these things?

A minor rant

"If you don't like it here so much, why don't you leave."
"If you have such a problem with this country, go someplace socialist or something."
"If they feel so oppressed, why are they staying here?"

I'm about to blame conservatives here, because they're the ones I keep hearing say stuff like this. Maybe other people do it, but I've only ever gotten it from my conservative friends, and only read it from conservative writers. What I'm ranting about today is this: people who tell me that if I don't like something about my country, I should go live someplace else, as if that's a logical point to make. Mad that gay people can't marry? Move to Europe! Annoyed at racism and sexism? Get out! Think we have screwy economic policies, a scary tendency to try to run the world, bad public education, and a growing healthcare issue? Pack your bags and get your dissenting voice the heck out of the US of A. I get it a lot in incendiary emails from my uncle, suggesting that if those damn socialists don't like it here they should leave.

To start with, this is such a pointless argument. I, and other people who see problems with this country, can't exactly just flee. Can't afford it, can't get the paperwork to live in another country, can't leave our lives behind. Nor is there really any guarantee that anyplace else is better. But really, we don't want to leave. I don't want to leave my home, I want to make it better. I think it's a great country. Not necessarily the best, or the only one worth thinking about, or anything like that, but it's great, and it's mine. And as such, I would like to see it and its citizens thrive.

I know some people disagree with me about how that should happen. Apparently some people think it should happen by not changing anything. It just seems so weird to me, offensive even, to think that because there are some problems I should abandon ship. It's like suggesting that since there are a few, fixable problems in a marriage, I should get a divorce without looking back. Oh wait. People do that. Maybe it's just that the conservatives want people like me to go away!

And yes, I did jokingly threaten to move to Canada after the election if things turned out differently than they did. I didn't mean it though, and what type of American would I be to abandon my country when I thought it was in trouble?

Can I say in as non-sexist a way as possible that being female sometimes = being crazy?

I am having one of those weird, annoying, low self-esteem days that I think must happen to women more than to men. It's very frustrating, because I'm torn between yelling "just tell me I'm PRETTY, damn it!" and whacking my self upside the head and telling myself to get a grip. I'm more likely to go with the latter, sans the whacking, but then I am again torn: do I go with the "clearly, I AM pretty and don't need people to tell me so to feel good about myself" approach, or the "clearly, I am not that big of a deal and should just accept that I'm not that hot and be well adjusted and secure anyway" approach.

And now I'll join everyone who just read that blather and say "my GOD I want to shoot that woman for being such an insecure adolescent girl."

AUUGHHHHH. Christmas tree shopping and cookie baking are on the agenda today, and tomorrow is shopping and gay-date and general fun. The sooner I get over myself the better.

Thankful for my family

I think a lot of people list family up there in the list of things they're thankful for this time of year (though how many really mean it?). This morning reminded me of just exactly how thankful I am, which is very.

I hauled my lazy ass out of bed sometime after 10am, and found my parents in the living room, watching the parade and as far as I can tell, bickering. They're champion bickerers, and are only really annoyed with each other maybe half the time. I mentioned that I had looked through the envelope of pictures and articles and stuff about my dad from my grandparent's house. It was full of his old report cards and prom pictures and wedding pictures and newspaper clippings. They brought it out and my sister came out and we spent some time making fun of my dad for his bad grades and horrible hair in high school, and oohing over how gorgeous my mom was in the pictures. Then they bickered a little more before my dad decided we needed to walk out on the deck to show me the woodpile and tell about the tree-cutting fiasco (which reminded me so much of something my boyfriend would have wanted to tell me if he had done it that it was scary). My mom locked us on the deck, but let us back in once he appeared repentant enough for picking on her. Overall, it was a pleasantly goofy, comfortably, good morning with my family, and I loved it. I really think people learn something about how to have relationships from their families, and I am very thankful I have such a good, though odd, family to serve as my model.

Also, yesterday I shopped for seven hours with my sister and it was lovely. I love that girl more than anyone else in the world, I think.

I caved

Putting down roots?

I'm going home (parent's home? That state where I grew up in?) for Thanksgiving in less than a week. Just today I finally started to get excited about that. In undergrad, I used to get seriously antsy about going home, so much so that the last week before I got to go I was a little spazzy. I was especially ready to go home after being in Spain. This time, it's the longest I've been away, and other than missing my sister constantly, I haven't really needed to go home.

Now I am actually looking forward to it, which is good, and I know I'll have a good time. But, I have the same problem I keep having because I keep moving: I miss there while I'm here, and am going to miss here while I'm there. I mean, no, I do not like this city. But I know I'll miss my boyfriend, and my apartment, and my cat, and my normal routine here. It was like that after Spain. I finally got really attached to the place, and then I left, and no matter where I was I missed Spain and either school or home. I can't maintain that level of missing, so I don't miss everything - Spain, school, and home, all at once, but there is definitely some amount of missage for each one. I suppose this is normal for anyone who lives different places. But, I wonder if I will eventually have so many connections I will stop feeling connected to some places.

For one thing, it is definitely interesting how I'm comfortable-ish here now, instead of constantly wanting to leave. It's definitely not my ideal, and if I can do something about it I would prefer not to stay too long. But, it is "home" enough now that saying I'm going home for Thanksgiving is a little confusing. Where is home?

A rant

I hate gingko trees. I am sorry trees, I hate to discriminate, but I do. 10 or 11 months out of the year the things are just fine with me. They're even pretty, and tall, and must be collegiate since my experience with them has been exclusively on college campuses. The other one or two months? They stink. Literally. Like something dead. Well, more like something rotting. See, when gingko trees drop their pretty yellow, uniquely-shaped leaves in the fall they also drop odd little seed blobs. Said blobs/balls/technical-term-for-the-thing-that-falls-off-gingko-trees stink. They also smash easily underfoot, until the entire sidewalk around the tree is covered in smelly yellow scum that is slippery to walk on and, if I haven't already mentioned it, smells like something particularly cloying is rotting. There is one I walk past regularly on campus here. My first experience with the things was in undergrad, where I honestly began to wonder if the House of Thought had a dead body hidden under the floorboards until I realized it was the tree next to it that stank. They are pretty trees. But like pretty people, pretty trees are far less appealing if you can't stand to breathe while around them.

Uh oh

Ephemera:

In a statement that would provoke hilarity and innuendo among many of my friends...I appear to have bruises on both my knees. It is entirely possible that I just walked into things and didn't notice...right? I cannot think of any other possible reason besides forgotten clumsiness. Honestly, I do that type of thing all the time. AM CLUMSY, I mean.

From overheardinnewyork.com:
Girl to friend, discussing a boy: So how nerdy is he? I mean, there's a nice nerdy, a cute nerdy...
Friend: You know that Jewish nerdy?

Quantum of Solace = pretty good. Honestly, it was mostly mindless action, which was apparently exactly what I wanted. Contrary to most reviews I thought Bond actually showed some depth of character. The main female and the random British chick were both gorgeous, the British girl especially, but not really gorgeous in that way that makes you hate them. More the way that makes you want to be them or sleep with them or both, depending on your personal inclinations.

Current song in my head: Old school Shakira, "Pienso en ti." The simple line "Cada día pienso en tí, pienso un poco mas en tí." keeps running through my brain.

Sexy self medication

Part of me thinks that what I'm about to say is a little anti-feminist. The rest of me doesn't care.

Sometimes, it feels really nice to be sexy. I am currently semi-sick, fighting off what might be a cold, and am not feeling my best. I am fighting it with medicine and rest, but I am also fighting it with sexy! In one of my favorite comic strips, 9 Chickweed Lane, one of the characters is a professor who deals with difficult situations by wearing leopard-print underwear under her suits. When she has to face the board of trustees the secret knowledge of her sexy undies brings her ferocious (leopard-esque) confidence.

I don't own any leopard print undies; actually, I think animal prints are usually tacky. But I am wearing my favorite sexy librarian outfit (oh, yeah, this post also perpetrates librarian stereotypes), which isn't that sexy, but it is nice. And what I have on under is also pleasantly sexy. I did my hair and makeup this morning in nothing but the underthings because it made me feel like a Soviet spy in a movie (the haircut helps).

I know, I probably shouldn't be talking about my underthings on my blog. My point is not exactly the underthings (no pics, clearly, and no descriptions!). My point is that, even if it's probably not the best thing to use to make me feel better, the sexy helps. Whether this is a sign that my self-esteem is too tied to my looks, I don't know. I think it's partially the idea that if you want to feel a certain way, act like you already are feeling that way, like pretending you're awake can help wake you up. I might be sick and gross, but damn it, I'm going to be sexy today, and it's making me feel better.

Oh cologne...

I have a sample card with Armani Mania for men spritzed on it in my desk drawer. Now it smells like there is a man living in my desk. A sexy-smelling man.

Why do I have a cologne sample in my desk drawer? Well, I happen to be unhealthily obsessed with Armani Mania. The version for men, specifically, although I wear the women's version and it's quite nice. I love Armani fragrances, and I think Armani Mania is quite possibly the sexiest scent a man can wear. So, sometimes, if I'm shopping and go past a display in a department store, I spritz some on a card and stick it in my pocket. If that sounds creepy um...I don't have a good excuse, except that I have a very sensitive sense of smell, and I really enjoy good smells. It's like sticking a postcard of someplace beautiful on my cork board. Well, in this case it's probably more like sticking a picture of a hot actor on my cork board, but what I mean is, it's an appreciation of something that pleases the senses. So what if normal people use an air freshener or candles.

I had the card on my desk for a day before I could figure out why on earth my computer smelled like a man, and found the card under some books. I guess I had tossed it there and forgotten. Oops!

My "I might be going to Hell" moment for today

I just spent a little while cleaning up my desk. While doing that, I realized I should figure out where I put my birth control pills, since I need to start those this Sunday. The weren't where they left them when I was reading the package information, and they weren't in my basket-o-junk on my desk. They also weren't in my "inbox," aka basket-o-junk number two. They weren't in my purse, they weren't in my drawer. They hadn't fallen behind my desk, and they weren't under a book. Then I remembered.

They were in between the pages of my Bible, where I had been using them to mark my place last week while doing an assignment. Good thing I have a liberal theology, or I might think I was pretty much damned.

Who the heck is Rebeka?

Yesterday a friend and I had a librarian-conference adventure at NYLA. After driving nearly three hours to get there, our day can best be described with the word "surreal." This isn't an exhaustive list, but here are some of the things that we experienced yesterday:

• We got waylaid by an odd man at the trade show who pressed very bad poetry printed on flowery paper into our hands, along with Hershey's Special Dark chocolates.
• We tried to go to a conference presentation called "Intellectual Power to the Librarian" only to find it was canceled (the speaker said she had a "breakdown") and we got talked into watching its replacement - a one-woman theatrical performance about, well, the PATRIOT Act, intellectual freedom, libraries, stereotypes, and a dead body in a laundromat.
  
• After the above weirdness we got stuck on the shuttle bus between conference hotels for half an hour - when we could have walked back in ten minutes.
• Twice I got mistaken for someone named Rebeka. Not just a little mistaken either. The first woman excitedly exclaimed "Rebeka!" and was about to grab my arm when she realized I was looking at her with complete confusion. The second woman was actually convinced that she had met me that morning at breakfast, when this morning at breakfast I was in a car. Once she realized I was not Rebeka she told us that not only did I look just like this elusive woman, we were wearing practically the same thing. I wish I had seen her - I think she's my doppleganger.
  
• Saratoga is an adorable city. The parts we saw were charming, and there are tons of cute restaurants. We had lunch in a coffee shop called Uncommon Grounds, which I highly recommend. We had delicious bagel sandwiches and then gelato. My friend says the coffee was great, and whatever brand of chips I ate nicely suggested on the bag a few charities I might consider donating too. My kind of place.
  
• Swag was so-so. We both got kinda snazzy transformer pens, though I seem to have since lost mine, staple-less staplers, shirts from some database company, and several pens. Oh, and the poetry and chocolate.
  

Overall, I'm still not sure the conference wasn't a waste of time, but it was an interesting experience, and I had a lot of fun spending all day with my friend, who I don't get to see often enough. I got to end the day by hanging out with said hot boyfriend (see below), so the day was overall an excellent day.

Stalker ;-)

Don't think I don't know you're there. Now I need to find a new place to gossip about my hot boyfriend.

Big emotions

I am so happy that I almost can't be happy, there isn't space for it.

I just read a friend's blog that suggested this election was our generation's form of protest - we stood up and spoke out for what we believe in, for what we wanted to see changed - and we did it, ironically enough, through an established political process. The way the Obama campaign has been run, has gathered together people, has inspired young voters and first time voters and disenfranchised voters and people of all sorts of races, backgrounds, socioeconomic statuses, ages, and beliefs is inspiring. I know some of my friends can't understand it, but I will remember where I was last night when I heard the news for the rest of my life. All along I'm not sure I believed it would happen. It did. Maybe this country really is changing. The future looks interesting.

I am an election junkie

I keep hearing people say how much they're tired of the election, how much they can't wait for it to be over, how they can't stand to hear about the candidates anymore. Now. my mother in Ohio is getting a campaign call every half hour, and I can see how that's annoying. But, I must confess. I love this.

I really love the election, and the whole long awful process (although I do have some issues with the process itself - the jury's still out on whether the electoral college is a stupid idea or not). I have been following it since the early days of the primaries, probably because I was on a college campus in Ohio, and that's the type of thing you talk about on college campuses in swing states. I don't think my personal opinions are hard to see - I've supported Obama from the first. But, I've still loved the process, even when it had made me anxious and angry, and it's done that a lot.

I think Americans are more interesting during an election year. We show our true colors. Sometimes those true colors are really, really ugly, and incredibly stupid. There have been some very hateful things done and said in this election. Sometimes they're wonderful, like when we demand real results from our candidates, and when we provide real results in return, like the hundreds of thousands of people who have volunteered and campaigned and donated money because they really believe in something. Isn't that awesome? That people, including young people who haven't even cared about voting before, get so excited about this that they throw themselves into volunteering?

I've been stalking Facebook all morning, because it is covered in the election today. People's statuses reflect their voting, their concerns, their excitement. One status asks if we "considered the least of these" while voting. Another gripes about the long lines. A great many, mine included, are trying to "get out the vote" for Obama. A friend just IMed me to say she voted. I'm wearing my Obama/Biden shirt, and I already voted by absentee ballot (Ohio needs me!) I wish I could be voting in a booth today, even with the lines, because I think I'm just an election junkie. But how can you not be excited? Everywhere today, people are thinking about one thing - the future of our country. Maybe our country would be in a better place if people thought about its future more than just on election day. And gosh, VOTE if you can. It's really a thrill ;)

Valid proof that I am an idiot

I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person. It's possible that, as something of an academic, I lack some common sense, but really. I'm not stupid. Which means that last night, when I decided to ride my bike home, someone had stolen my brains and replaced them with oatmeal when I wasn't looking.

I had left my bicycle on campus all week, and decided that it was high time it came home. I also needed it this morning. So, despite the fact that it was dark, cold, and snowy, and that I didn't have my helmet with me, I decided to ride it home. I thought about the bus, but I have an irrational fear that the driver will not listen to me when I say I need to get my bike off the bike rack and drive away with it. Anyway. I rode on the sidewalk because I'm not completely brain-dead, and planned on walking the last stretch because the lights are bad.

I was doing just fine when, out of the blue, it happened. I started to slip. In one of those omniscient-disaster-moments, I knew I was going to bite it.

And I bit it. I saw the inevitable and had a moment where time stood still...and then the wheel was going right and I was going left and crashing into the wet sidewalk and there was another moment where I was very lucidly aware that in the next second my head was going to bounce off the ground. It did. Then I was in fast-forward again, realized I had lost my hat, ripped both my gloves, and was standing up already - the ground was cold. I got my act together, cursed a lot, made sure I wasn't bleeding and was probably not concussed, and walked the rest of the way home.

I'm fine now, other than being a little sore. My left knee got skinned through jeans, and my right hand is skinned, and my gloves are ruined. The two friends I told both asked if I was ok, and then immediately asked if the bike was ok. Which is how I know they really care ;)

This man is my husband

John Green reaffirms my hope in humanity.

Seriously, I just keep talking about this dude, but he is so worth it. John Green is an author of young adult novels that are so good they have literally changed my life. He only has three books out, but he is already one of my favorite novels. His most recent novel, Paper Towns, debuted at #5 on the New York Times bestseller list this week. John also just revealed today that Paper Towns has a movie deal with the folks who made Juno. His main characters are nearly always nerdy high school guys with crushes on vibrant, mysterious girls, but there are always strong themes of growing up, understanding and enjoying life, and having spontaneous adventures. He also has one short story in a collection of holiday romances (yeah, I know, it sounds awful, but really isn't) called Let it Snow. I cannot recommend his novels enough.

In addition to being a stunningly good author, John also videoblogs, because of a project he did with his brother Hank called Brotherhood 2.0. John and Hank communicated via videoblog for a year, and made it public online, creating a huge following (called Nerdflighters) and generally being wonderful. They still blog, and it continues to be good.

Also, yeah, John Green is my husband. He just doesn't know it yet. And is married to someone else. For the videoblogs and the Nerdfighter community, go here. For John's website, go here, where you will also find info on buying my favorite of his novels, An Abundance of Katherines, for $3.99. Can't beat that! DO it.

I might be a poser

I'm sitting here at work, wearing skinny jeans, a generic-looking V-neck tee, a gray cardigan, and black Chucks, listening to indie rock from my coworkers Mac. Today we've discussed progressive politics, Beck, a band most people haven't heard of, and obscure movie quotes.

I'm an accidental hipster. I swear, I don't do it on purpose. I am so not cool enough to be a hipster. Also, nearly everything I'm wearing comes from Alloy.com, which I think saves me from being a real hipster. I can be pretty pretentious though. Yikes! Is there hope for me? Or should I just give up eating in favor of being skinny enough and being able to afford American Apparel?

Virgin=Christian?

I'm starting to get a little annoyed with a trend I've been seeing. Whether it be from other Christians, from Christian blogs, from Christian literature/media, etc., I'm beginning to have a problem with the assumption that being a virgin makes someone a better Christian. I know that for many Christians, waiting till marriage is very, very important, and central to their perception of their faith life. While my personal faith has a slightly different focus, I can respect the beliefs of others enough to understand the desire to wait till marriage.

However, I keep seeing people who say things like "well, I'm a Christian, I was saved when I was 12, and I'm 25 now and I'm still a virgin." Nicely done. You resisted temptation better than most people. But how would it sound if I said, "I'm a Christian, I'm 22, and I've never lied."? (Not a true statement, btw.) If you believe pre-marital sex is a sin, it should be on the same level as any other sin, and it seems odd to me to advertise that one particular sin you haven't committed. I mean, I also haven't murdered anyone...I guess I could announce that as my proof of being a good Christian.

Is virginity a requirement for being a young woman (or man) and Christian? It's not like saying "I'm Jewish and I'm circumcised," which are usually connected characteristics. "Christian" does not equal "virgin." What about "I'm Christian, I was saved when I was 12, and ever since I have endeavored to love everyone as Christ does"? See, that comes off as pretty arrogant. I do not understand why virginity has become the standard for Christianity. I would far prefer to be known as a Christian who devotes herself to helping others.

My problems with this assumption have many other aspects, including the awful sex-guilt I think a lot of Christians have, myself included. Also, I read today in a Newsweek article that 95% of Americans are not virgins when they get married. I'm pretty sure I will not be part of the 5%. Does that make me a bad Christian?

So.....dating...

1. I might have spent the last 10 hours with AA. Hiking, pizza for dinner, baking (really bad, actually) cookies... making out more than I ever have before in a single day. So, point two shouldn't be a surprise:

2. I can't blog about online dating anymore, because I'm not. Because for the first time in, well, eons, I am not really single. Woah. He called me his girlfriend today and I didn't want to sock him, which is my usual response to guys saying the "gf" word. I even - get this - changed my facebook status.

3. I am now at a loss as to what to blog about. Since I think I only have one reader, does it matter?

Keep on rollin'...

I discovered a day or two ago that I might actually... like Syracuse. Gasp! I know, I know. I didn't blog about it, but all I did all summer was bitch and moan about how freaking horrible this city is. Actually, I still think the city is ugly, and boring, and lacking in most of the things I really want from a city, including a relatively easy way to get around without a car. So, maybe it's not Syracuse in particular. Maybe it's just that I've been having a good time lately. I've made friends with some seriously awesome people, and I've been having a great time with them lately. I have some fascinating coworkers, and I spent half the morning today talking to one of them about the environment and religion and the end of the world and interesting ideas in general. It also helps that autumn has pretty much arrived, and that automatically makes me much, much happier. Even with the rain that won't leave us alone, this is a good season. I miss my sister, but I'm not overwhelmingly homesick, and I'm definitely not miserable, like I was my first month or so here. My default setting is "content," and while I strayed for a little while, I'm back.

On another note, I fail at this being an online dating blog, and for that matter I think I fail at online dating. Between being busy and actually meeting someone interesting in real life, the online thing has been on the decline since. I might pick it back up, but I'm much less enthusiastic than before. My other default setting is "single," and since I'm content again I think the single thing looks more and more appealing. I think I was trying to fix my discontent with the city and other things by fixing my relationship status, which wasn't actually the problem at all.

That being said, I have a date tomorrow. It's AA again, and I think I'm looking forward to it. I tend to get less enthusiastic about something the more it seems to be working, which is a problem I should probably work on, because if I keep flipping out when things are going well with a guy I WILL be single forever. Then again, it's a little too soon to worry: it's only the second-ish date/first formal date/fourth time we've hung out at all, so it's WAY to early to be concerned.

I just cleaned the hell out of my apartment, there is a candle on the counter, my cat is no longer sick as a dog (haha?) and I only have one class next week. I would not be surprised if an asteroid landed on my apartment building tomorrow, because way too much is going right for me right now.

I'll be back with some interesting dating emails soon, I think.

Who are you and what have you done with my normal life?

Reader, I had two dates today. Now, I am sure that there are women for whom that is not completely weird. I, however, have gone many months without a date at all, so this is incredibly odd. However, internet dating does kind of promote more dates than I would usually have - If I'm communicating with someone there is never that concern about whether a date could happen - it's the point.

So, date 1: Unfortunately-Named-Man (UNM): Late, late, very late. He was driving from a distance though, so I decided to be forgiving. The whole day didn't look like it would go well though. I got rained on waiting for the bus, which I was taking because I will not immediately ride in a car with someone I found online and have never met before. GOOD RULE. Stand by it, online-dating ladies. So, rained on, bus, then he called and said he was going to be very late. Then I got to the restaurant and found out it was closed till 5pm. (We had a lunch date.) It was a very interesting restaurant and I was bummed... and hungry. At that point I thought about giving up and going home.

He eventually showed up, and ... was very attractive. Sometimes pictures are seriously hit-or-miss, but this one was a hit. So that's a plus. I gave up and let him drive me to a different restaurant, since there was nothing close. He neither kidnapped nor murdered me. We had a pretty good lunch and made some good conversation, mostly small talk, but nice. After we ended up going to the Museum of Science and Technology, which, unlike COSI or Cleveland's science center, sucks. It was also filled with hoards of screaming children and didn't have anywhere near enough fun interactive things. I'm like a kid, I love the interactive exhibits. We meandered around and it was ok, but not spectacular. I suggested he drive me home so I didn't have to take the bus, and since I am directionally impaired we put my addy into his GPS to ensure efficiency...and got lost. It used the wrong address and we had to redo. Embarrassing!

I did eventually got home and we had one of those awkward first date goodbyes, but that's ok. The verdict's still out on this one. Hot, Christian, nice... very slightly boring.

Date 2: Last week I met a guy in one of my classes and pretty quickly developed a crush. I don't crush that easily, being incredibly picky, and this one didn't make that much sense - he's conservative, for one thing. But I had a great time talking to him at a party, and kinda facebook attacked him after. I was just sitting here doing homework when he called tonight and asked if I wanted to come out with him and some friends. Um, yes. My crush just called me? Hellz yes I want to go out! It's like I was in high school. I even did a happy dance, which is not something I ever want him to know.

He picked me up and we played darts with his friends for a while. I fail at darts. The we went to a different place and had drinks, and his friends left but we kept talking, which I think moved it a little more clearly into the "date" area. Then we got pizza, which I appreciated because really, I am always hungry. I am not that woman who doesn't eat. Also, the pizza was great.

This guy is less attractive than UNM, but is really more interesting, and seems cool with a woman who will bite back in the face of smart-assedness. A friend has already made up an acronym for him: AA (yes, I know, it's taken, but this is different.) AA is pretty damn nerdy, but I kinda like that. In general, I like him, and I'm pleased that this date developed organically, without having to work at it so much. I think we will be hanging out again.

So, in conclusion: I got no homework done today AT ALL. It was probably worth it.

Featuring: the crazy-person email

If this whole blogging business works out, I anticipate this to be a regular feature: the emails I get on the dating website from crazy people. To be fair, they aren't all crazy. Some of them just approach things differently than I do, or hold the principles of spelling and grammar in less high regard. Like this one:

How are u? I find your profile to be thoughtful and pretty deep, but thats not a bad thing. Anyways saw that u were looking at mine, so took a look at yours. I like to talk about things and see them in different point of views. Pardon my spelling if its bad. I'm a math whiz and maybe the worst speller ever. Now were was I. I saw that u studied religion. I don't hate religion but I have problems with all of them. Now there good for some people, some people have major problems then become born again & become great people. My biggest rift with it is it divieds people, causes pain, starts wars, could go on & on. I respect it but just don'r wish to particepet. Does this make me a bad person maybe but i'm ok with that. Your probally exasted from reading this so ill leave it at that. I would love to here your response since your on the oppiset spectrum.

It's really unfortunate, my grammar obsession. It makes me, shall I say... a bitch? about some things. Like, for instance, the use of "u" for "you" in anything but text messages with character limits. Also, particepet? oppiset? exasted? That one I didn't even recognize at first. Oh I am an awful judging person. Yes, I will never find a man because I insist that he know the difference between "your" and "you're." I am willing to settle down in a life of spinsterhood and good grammar. I have a cat. He doesn't send me misspelled emails. At least he didn't propose marriage to me. Yes, that has happened before. I mean, a guy in an email, not my cat.

On that note, goodnight! Stay tuned for more dating capers and incredible emails!

Steppin' out

Welcome to my blog!
I'm sure this has been done before, but what is blogging if not thinking you can do it again...better?
I'm going to blog about dating. Uh huh, see that one. Online dating. Yeah, that too. But bear with me. It sometimes gets interesting.

I've done this whole online dating before, with pretty much no success. (If I had succeeded, would I be doing it again?) Online dating is a little hit or miss. For me it's a little like a drunken golfer trying to hit a hole-in-one in a hurricane. Which is to say, there are more misses than hits. But hey, always the optimist: at least I get interesting stories out of it! I know there are mixed opinions about the value, safety, and loser-ishness of online dating, and maybe sometime I'll post my justification. In the meantime, I'm doing it. And since I'm not a big fan of feeling embarrassed of the things I'm doing or trying to hide them, I might as well share the hilarity with others. Or the embarrassment. Either way, stay tuned for the good, the bad, and the "only to be shared with my gay best friend and the internet."