I have to say that growing up religiously conservative can really screw a person up. I'm speaking from a certain amount of personal experience. Now, before I continue, a clarification. I am not saying that being religiously conservative is inherently bad, or that everyone who was/is religiously conservative is screwed up. I'm speaking based mostly on my personal experience and discussions I have had with friends with similar backgrounds and experiences as mine. For background, I spent most of my childhood and teen years in a moderately conservative, medium-large nondenominational evangelical box church. It definitely wasn't one of those "crazy" churches you see in things like Jesus Camp, and I was never pals with Jerry Falwell. Then again, I spent a kind of long time not believing in evolution, so it was crazy enough. When I went to college I left that church, had a minor crisis of faith, looked around a little, and ended up in the United Church of Christ, which has problems like any Church, but which I think is overall a very good place to be. My personal beliefs teeter on the edge of Unitarian Universalist, but I'm happy in the UCC.
So, the problem? For all my current "liberal" theology, my conservative past sometimes messes with my head. One thing I know other former evangelicals/conservatives/fundamentalists also deal with is Born Again Guilt. I was born again twice, once when I was six, and "renewed" that at least twice. I kept doing it because I never really felt like it took - I was supposed to experience some sweeping, emotional moment of grace, forgiveness, and personal transformation, and I never did. Hence, I spent a lot of my time a little worried that I wasn't really saved, and was thus going to hell. That's a lot of pressure for a kid, which I was. One problem with being born again - it can supposedly happen at any age. I now firmly believe that 1. children should never be forced into having a "spiritual" experience because the adults present are emotional about religion, and 2. salvation is different for everyone, and takes time. It was only recently that I discovered that I can take time working out grace with God, and that it won't necessarily be a mind-blowing experience. And, I have felt closer to God since I realized that. It's an ongoing thing, not a one-time thing.
Another issue that I don't struggle with as much as I once did is the cultural change involved in leaving a conservative church. For a long time, I listened to Christian music nearly exclusively. I was afraid to curse, and to drink. I was pretty damn judging, and quite possibly intolerable to be around. Although I still consider myself a fairly moral person and am far nicer than I used to be, I spent a while feeling a lot of guilt when I did "bad" things. The me of six years ago would have a heart attack on seeing the me of now - I get drunk sometimes! And swear! And do other bad things! On another note, being around large groups of conservative Christians (Campus Crusade events, say) wigs me out. I used to be there, and now am not, and wonder if I have a neon sign that says "heathen!" I still know the language they use though, which helps to communicate ;)
The last big thing to mention in this epic post is Sex Guilt, and oh man, is this a big one. My thoughts on how poorly Christians deal with human sexuality could take up a book, so this is the condensed version. It is really hard to teach that all sexual acts, ever, should only occur within the confines of a marriage without also conveying the idea that sex is somehow taboo. I think it might be possible, but it has got to be difficult. Generally, young people in the church come away thinking that their natural sexual feelings are sinful. There is a distinct difference between selfish lust and natural feelings all humans experience, especially in adolescence. Even for the people who wait till marriage, when sex is officially condoned, must have a hard time turning off that feeling that all things sexual should be avoided. For those of us who have changed their minds slightly about sex and marriage, it can still be hard - these teachings are well-impressed upon young conservative Christians, and the feelings of guilt linger.
I don't know how other (less conservative) Christians feel about it, but I would prefer not to have my relationship with someone I love complicated by guilt and apprehension. I think, overall, the guilt, not just sexual but overall, that the conservative church leaves its followers with can really mess up lives. The textbook response to that could be that God is weighing upon us...but it could just be that we're still working on leaving behind a potentially damaging mindset.
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